The Spiral of the Dollar Sign

Yikes! It's December! And it's time, as any red-blooded American knows, to go CHRISTMAS SHOPPING! Time to circle the parking lot at the mall, searching for a spot near the building! Time to hike from one end of the mall to the other, struggling to find the perfect gift for each name on the list!

AUGH! I hate Christmas shopping. My mom hated Christmas shopping. I guess I picked up the hatred from her (Now there's a topic for another Spiral: How we inherit our attitudes from our parents . . . or not.). Every year, I declare I will not go out spending money I don't have to buy something for someone who doesn't need it, doesn't want it and won't treasure it. Every year I find myself panicking around mid-December when I realize people have gifts for me and I have none for them.

The question before me is this: Can I override the panic with wisdom this year? I have given gifts all year. Do I truly need to buy a trinket or remembrance to wrap and place under the tree in my living room?

Last year I avoided the trap of overspending by running away from home. My name had just been added as a member of the exclusive club of widowhood. My husband of forty years died last year. He was a true believer. Christmas was for him the highlight of the year. Crowds, shopping, gifts, food, parties: he loved them all. I couldn't confront Christmas without his laughter and antics. So I went far away and stayed away until the holidays were finished.

This year, I am further along my grieving path. I already have the tree decorated and the little Victorian village on the bar with its electric lights softly illuminating the den. I'm not going to run away. But the dilemma of shopping stops me dead in my tracks.
I don't have the answer, and I'm still on the spiral.

I'm not a Scrooge. I love giving. My salary as a school teacher covers my mortgage payment, tithes and offerings. There's a little left at the end of each month. Yet, is it wise to participate in the giving frenzy (That word reminds me of sharks tearing into prey, teeth dripping blood.) generated by advertising, culture, tradition and peer pressure?

When my husband died, I was struck with the idea that a person who lives by faith need never worry about finances. By its very nature, faith is identified with trust. If I trust God, and believe He is ABLE to meet my needs, do I have the faith to make my actions match my words? Well, yes, I believe I do.

So, what do I do now that December is here? Shop or not? What would you do, if you stood in my shoes? Let me know. I'll let you know what I decide once the time has come to resist or succomb to the temptation to shop. Still spiraling tonight . . .